13-second rule. See someone → move within 3 seconds. The hesitation is the whole skill. Everything after it is easy.
2Reps, not outcomes. A bad approach that happened beats a great one you imagined. You cannot fail a rep you took.
3You leave first. If you know you can exit warmly, you stop fearing the opener. Exiting is the skill that unlocks opening.
0–10 sec
1 · Open
Point at something you both share — the drink, the line, the food, the room. You need shared context, not a line. Lowest-stakes targets: anyone standing alone (relieved you came), anyone in the bar line (can't escape, doesn't feel approached).
10–60 sec
2 · Hook
Names both ways, then one real thing each. Not job titles — a reason for being here, an opinion, a complaint. You're proving this is a conversation and not a transaction.
1–5 min
3 · Play
This is the part you're missing. It's not more questions. It's the five moves below. Fun lives here or nowhere.
10 sec
4 · Close
You end it, warm, on a high note — before it sags. "I'm gonna go do a lap — really good to meet you, Marc." Optionally plant a second contact: "I'll find you later."
1 · Trade, don't interview
Never two questions in a row. Every question is paid for with something of yours. "I only came because my friend bailed and I'd already paid for parking — what's your excuse?" This single rule is the difference between a fun conversation and an interrogation.
2 · Guess, don't ask
Guessing is playful; asking is admin. "You've got organizer energy. You know everyone here, don't you." Being wrong is better — now they have to correct you, and correcting someone is fun.
3 · Pull the weird thread
Every answer contains 3 threads. Take the odd one, not the obvious one. "I moved here from Vancouver for a job I quit last month" → ask about quitting, not Vancouver. Obvious thread = small talk. Weird thread = a real conversation.
4 · Go to layer two
Layer 1 is a label ("marketing"). Layer 2 is the how/why. Layer 3 is a story. "How'd you end up doing that?" beats "what do you do" every time. Never linger on layer one.
5 · Say the obvious thing
Naming what's actually happening in the room is the fastest route to real. "This is the worst lighting I've ever been judged under." · "We're both pretending we're not looking for the bathroom."
Re-approaching someone later in the same night is worth more than five cold opens. It's already warm, you skip beats 1–2 entirely, and it's how a stranger becomes someone you actually know. "Told you I'd find you again." Most people never do this — it's the highest-leverage move in the room.